I don’t care what anyone says. To restrict certain foods is torture for most people which is why a regimen is hard to follow. Yesterday was an EPIC fail in the food department for me. I made brown butter chocolate chip cookies the night before. Yes brown butter! If you have not been subjected to brown butter you are really missing out. Frostings, baked goods, toffees…my weakness!!! And honestly I eat a fairly decent diet. (But I ate 6 cookies yesterday! 6!!!) I NEVER eat 6 cookies in a day…but I felt very off yesterday the whole day so I just justified it that way. Besides, I work out 5 days a week. 3 days for an hour, 1 day for 30 minutes, and 1 day for 45 minutes…so in a way I tell myself off days are okay once in a while.

Where does my motivation come from you ask??? GREAT question! Motivation seems to be the hardest thing for most people when getting started. I can not tell you how many times I started and gave up over the years and I will tell you why. Most people can work out like this and start seeing results in a few weeks. I use to ALWAYS base my results by my weightloss on the scale. Listen very carefully to what I am going to say. I never saw any weightloss until 6 months into a 4 to 5 day workout streak every week! 6 MONTHS! That is half of an entire year! 6 months is a very long time to stay dedicated to something you see no progress with. Like, why even bother? Who cares what it is doing for me healthwise right? Momma wants the reward of poundage lost. When I started this last time…I knew it would be the same thing. No loss until at least 6 months in but I was determined to focus on me. After working out for 2 months…I almost gave up…but what I did was,(and this sounds super silly) stand facing the mirror and I said out loud ” today I reaffirm my workouts. I will be more dedicated than before and I will push myself even harder than I ever have before!” Saying it outloud made me believe in myself. I said that phrase a lot that first week. By week 4 (of my new committment) I realized I needed to take a tape measure and record my measurements. So I did. And I have continued to do so every week since. Guess what??? In 9 weeks time I am down 10.75 inches. I hate to admit this part but I have also gained a whopping 10 pounds. (Sigh) so I have been doing some reading on this searching for the answer to why this is happening. Lucky for me it is good news. The weight gain is muscle and losing inches is actually setting me up for longterm weightloss if I stick with it! Just in my waist alone I have lost 3 inches! Ladies…3 inches is a big deal!

Working out has become an addiction for me! Every week I pull out that tape measure. Every week I have lost a little more somewhere on my body!

Totally off the subject but on our way to Walmart today…my 4 year old says to me “Hey mom, do you smell that?” “Smell what?” I ask her. “I farted in the car and it stanks!” Laughter erupts from her 4 year old mouth. All I could do was thank her for sharing such life changing information!

Kind of like what I am sharing with you right now…if you want to change your life, (and no we are not still talking about bodily gases here) only YOU can decide for yourself that you are going to do that. The only way to change your mindset is by changing the way you think. The only way to change the way you think is by rewording your thoughts to rewire your brain. I read somewhere once (and puh-lease do not quote me on this) that if you say out loud 3 positive things about yourself or your life every day for so many days…your outlook really can change! It literally does change your perception. Now I need to find this exact quote so I do not sound like a dummy!

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day! I know I will. I am cooking for my parents tonight! Until tomorrow…

I really am a hot mess mom. At least I feel that way on the inside. I have not had a solid nights sleep in over 4 years. Oh yes. FOR REAL. Talk about real life problems. Not only am I trying to stop nursing my now 2 year old, I have overactive bladder, nocturia, irritable bowel, hashimotos, and fibromyalgia. All things I could EASILY use for an excuse to not treat myself better. And then there is my love-hate relationship with food on top of my body image issues. Even at 105 pounds I saw flaws in this body I was gifted by the Grace of God. The body I was given that has given birth 5 beautiful times itself. Which proclaims to me how absolutely amazing it really is.

2 of them are adults living on their own. 1 is a few months away from adulthood but I say that lightly. He lost his dad at the young age of 14 to suicide. It has affected so many aspects of his life and although he is going to be going off to college I know he is not yet quite ready to adult on his own. Anyhow, 3 kids live with me. I live with my fiance who has graciously allowed me to stay at home with our toddlers. Some of you may think well if she stays at home…she has all the time in the world to focus on herself. LIES. ALL LIES! Apparently those of you with that mindset do not get to stay home with your own demon seed to see the real wonders of 24/7 life with toddlers. Mine are 2 and 4 and only in the last few months has it gotten easier to navigate my day.

Those of you who can maintain perfectly kept homes with toddlers…I commend you. I congratulate you. I wish to be you! (Well a little bit anyways) My tiny tornados are really good little helpers but also really good at tearing everything apart in 10 sec flat. Some days you would never even know I attempted to clean our house. Ask my fiance! And he is so tired after 12-14 hours a day I don’t even ask him to help. After all…I am at home all day right??

Let’s call the first awake hour…my coffee hour. Seems like my kids have some sort of sixth sense about me getting up because the same noises it takes him to get a freshly brewed keurig cup of coffee…causes no stirring in this house but once momma turns on the faucet to pour more water in the keurig…the calling for momma begins. All I truly want is a nice hot cup of coffee, whilst watching a recorded show from the day or night before…all before I have to start my day of toddlerhood madness. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have enjoyed my entire cup warm. Sad isn’t it? We minimize the importance of our hot cup of sunshine because at least we get to kind of drink most of it sometimes right? I don’t ask for a lot in this world. In fact, I sacrifice a lot for my family, probably too much, but 1 stinkin’ hot cup is too much to ask.

Soooo, that being said, I had to change my perspective. Easier than it sounds because at 41…you are pretty programmed in how you function at life. It takes real effort to change your thinking. It is hard to rewire your brain. But this has been my goal this new year. I need to so I can make this the most positive year of my life. I am trying to change the trajectory of where I am headed. If I can do this…anyone can. We won’t get into the details of how I know this now but I have had a pretty rough adult life purely because I was a doormat and I really allowed a lot of traumatizing things to take place. Well no more. I may need to warn you now…my filter is fading and somethings may be brash but I want to embrace my inner bitch because she is who will keep me focused. I don’t expect to change people’s lives by writing a blog but hopefully it will be somewhat entertaining and enjoyable to know that you are not alone. Hopefully some of this will be relatable. Hopefully some things I talk about will make you think. Hopefully I can get a few of you to start a new journey as well. Challenges make us stronger and lately I just want to embrace EVERYTHING with my newfound perspective. Until tomorrow…

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton